Alright, I'm going to be blunt... your yard sucks. It's just terrible... I don't know what to say. Your grass is well... let me specify... in the places that you actually have grass rather than weeds, it's yellow, short and haphazard. Of course to say that you even have grass is overly generous. But we'll get to that later.
Next I want to discuss your abysmal porch... if you want to call it that. I've seen boat decks at a salvage shipyard with a better wood finish. It's either gonna cost you 40 hours on your knees sanding and polishing, or $3,000 to a contractor. Personally I prefer the latter, but perhaps your back is a little younger and your purse a little lighter. I just know that it needs to be done and quick. The neighbors are talking. But we can worry about your wife's social standing among the other useless party ornaments later on or not at all preferably.
Now, you do have a good foothold when it comes to horticulture. That's just a fancy word for plants and stuff. But you do have some decent trees, shrubs and flowers to work with, but work is definitely the active word. It is going to take some sweat and time to get your shrubbery in order but there are plenty of resources to help you out with that.
There is of course the issue of your walks and driveways. Now I know that these things are typically not spoken of in terms of yards but I believe they need to be addressed. Your driveway, although a grand, sweeping and elegant entry and exit it is, has been neglected and abused for decades. Now I don't know if your standard commuter is a monster truck or if you just carry heavy cargo in your station wagon. (That was not a comment about your wife by the way) Ahem... any way I just want to stress the importance of having a new drive put in immediately.
And since we're on the subject, you need to have the walks redone as well, and you might as well construct them to match. Cobble is popular but the novelty wears off when you have to keep replacing shocks on your car. Stone is the fashionable choice of course but it is handily defeated in price by concrete. Unless you're sitting on a pile of cash that a leprechaun would be jealous of, I would suggest that you go with concrete. That should take care of most of your yard worries. The next time you want me to tongue lashing on your home decor, give me a call.
Drew Hawkins is well known for his clear and helpful landscaping counsel. He has personally created a yard art piece carved in stone for hundreds of homes and properties throughout the US.
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